The hardest conversation(s) to have as a military family is regarding holiday travel and how you will spend your time with your extended family. We often go into those chats feeling guaranteed to disappoint someone, but the truth is you can’t make everyone happy, and at the end of the day you have to do what is best for your immediate family. Easier said than done though…we know, we know! That’s why we’re sharing our top tips for our to make these conversations a little more simple and hopefully, stress-free.
Communicate early and be direct
It’s not always a fun or easy conversation, but it needs to happen and you have to be direct about what you can realistically do. If you just PCS’d and the last thing you’re able to afford (monetarily or emotionally) is a trip across the country to visit family, be honest about that early and give them a chance to make plans to come to you. Put the ball in their court!
Offer alternatives
Although going back to your or your partner’s hometown is the more common option, it doesn’t have to be the only option if it’s not the most feasible. Some other ideas:
- Pick a neutral, more affordable/easier to fly or drive to the location and celebrate there.
- Opt for a weekend that isn’t the calendar date for the holiday but is a date that works better for those involved and is more cost affordable.
- Split the difference and ask family to travel to you – this is a great solution if you have young kids that you would be required to buy airline seats for because you can even offer to offset some of the cost and still be money ahead if you’re strapped this season!
Don’t be afraid to say “no”
An important boundary to set, but definitely not a fun one. Trust us when we say it is not worth the emotional turmoil of trying to make everyone else happy at your expense. If you’re feeling traveled out or your travel budget is busted, make the smart decision and say no. And, if you don’t feel comfortable sharing your reasoning why… don’t! “No, I’m sorry we can’t make it this year” is an answer and no further explanation is required. However, we will encourage you to be forthright when you feel comfortable, oftentimes non-military families don’t understand the financial burdens that come with PCS’ing or traveling back home often to see loved ones. Use this as a chance to kindly shed light on your family’s reality.
It doesn’t have to be fair
As much as you wish it could be a 50/50 split that some families can swing or an “on year/off year” setup, that’s not realistic for military families who are often relying on a lottery system for holiday leave. Be honest with your families about this piece of the puzzle and assure them that you’ll do your best to split your time, but for the time being your holiday planning is dependent on the needs of the military and what your personal family can afford to do. At the end of the day, it’s YOUR time as an immediate family and how YOU choose to spend it, not time owed to one family or the other.
