You found out the military is moving you! Sometimes this is exciting, and other times, it can feel really daunting. Finding new friends and a community at your next assignment is a big factor in those emotions. While we are so thankful for modern technology for allowing us to remain in close contact with our dear milso friends from previous assignments, there is just something about having people local. Friends that you can call on when you need a girl’s night while your spouse’s mission is delayed, AGAIN, or when you just really want to connect your littles with other mil-kids!
Dive in headfirst
When is the best time to get plugged in? IMMEDIATELY! You have all the excuses in the world to ask the “dumb” questions, to sound like a total newb, and to be ultra-shameless in reaching out! Yes, we just went there. We all know that feeling, you have been at your assignment for a year, you’ve had time to notice that there are some friend groups within the squadron and you are intimidated to jump in on one. Well maybe if you are forward as soon as you get to this next base, you won’t even have that knowledge to feel like an intruder:) Talking to ourselves here as much as we are talking to you!!
Know your limits
With the above being out of the way, there is nothing wrong with recognizing that you may need time to get settled so that you feel like you are in a good space to be a good friend. Jen here, I will say, this was the position that I took moving to Alaska. I lived in 2 different temporary living situations in 3 months before we got settled and I just felt chaotic. I didn’t have anything left to “give” in a friendship. Which is not the type of friend I enjoy being.
Even still, I did make 2 fast connections early who were saving graces multiple times and they are absolute angels for sticking by me through that season!
Don’t just rely on the military
We are so fortunate that with military life comes a lot of built-in opportunities to meet new people (family squadron events, spouse socials, key spouse programs, etc.) BUUUUT that doesn’t have to be the end all, be all. You are now located in a brand new community full of people, be bold and connect with the lady grabbing apples next to you in the grocery store! Don’t hesitate to take advantage of church groups, MOPS, fitness classes, farmer’s markets…anything your new community is offering that could result in you making new connections! More on Kirst’s take on connecting with the civilian community HERE.
Research spouse groups
Stalk Facebook – yes, Facebook, we are sorry but this really is the easiest connection point for many spouse groups – to see if you can find your squadron’s spouse group. EVEN IF YOU ARE A GIRLFRIEND OR FIANCE! Sometimes these are hard to find so also look for the wing spouses’ Facebook group (if there is one) and then the broader base spouse group. You are bound to find at least 1 of these! We have seen many times when people will post in these groups saying that they are moving and would love to meet up with other milsos or host playdates. Such a great way to get connected early!
Make firm plans
Have you ever told someone “we should get coffee!” and never ended up making it happen? Not like you intended to stand them up, life just got busy, and you got…comfortable.
Make plans right then and there! Whether it’s via DM to a spouse in your squadron or in person at your first spouse night, make firm plans early. We are always so impressed by the women we have met that don’t kick this can down the road. We have made lasting friendships with those who say “Hey! How about coffee at [this place] this Thursday at [this time]?”.
Say yes to new friends
You truly never know who is going to come into your life and make a lasting impact. Maybe you had a bummer experience at your last base, or you feel super safe with the friends you have right now. As military spouses, we have the very unique opportunity to make new friends many different times during adulthood. As painful as it can sometimes be (similar to dating, are we right??), the reward truly can be even better!
