It is often said that moving is one of the top life stressors, and as military families, we often go through that kind of stress more often than most. When it comes time to PCS (Permanent Change of Station), no matter how organized, prepared, or experienced we are, it is completely normal to feel our stress levels rise as we manage all of the logistics and emotions that come with a military move.
As a fellow military spouse with multiple moves under my belt, I can completely understand how you might be feeling if the weight of an upcoming (or current) PCS is weighing heavily on your mind. Military moves can be overwhelming and stressful, but you’re not alone.
I want to share with you some tips that I’ve found to be helpful when it comes to managing the stress of a move. It’s called the 4 As of stress relief, and it’s a mindfulness technique that was developed by the Mayo Clinic. The 4 As stand for:
Avoid. Alter. Accept. Adapt.
Let’s go through each of these concepts and see how they can apply to your upcoming move.
Avoid
The first concept is “avoid.” This means avoiding stressors that are within your control. For example, if the idea of packing and organizing stresses you out, consider letting the military move you instead of doing it yourself. Or outsource the organizing or “pre-packing” by hiring a seasoned military spouse to help. Or, if you’re worried about saying goodbye to friends and family, consider planning a going-away party ahead of time so you can avoid the stress of last-minute scheduling in the thick of your last days at your current duty station.
Alter
The second concept is “alter.” This means altering the situation to reduce stress. For example, if you’re worried about adjusting to a new school district, consider reaching out to the school to gather information about the curriculum and extracurricular activities. Or, if you’re worried about finding new friends, consider joining a local military spouses’ group to connect with others who are going through the same thing.
Accept
The third concept is “accept.” This means accepting the things that you can’t change or control. For example, you may not be able to control where you’re stationed or the timeline of the move. But you can control how you approach the situation. If you’re having a difficult time looking forward to your new duty station, make a list of positive things that will come as a result of your move. Perhaps there are unique places to visit, a change in childcare or work options for your kids, yourself or your spouse that will allow for new experiences. And if that doesn’t help, here is what I always remind myself of when I’m in the deepest moments of moving stress: Moving is finite. Once we arrive and get settled, all the stress of moving will be in the past. Accepting the reality of the situation can help you find peace and move forward with more positivity and less stress.
Adapt
The fourth concept is “adapt.” This means adapting to the situation by developing new coping mechanisms. For example, if you’re struggling with homesickness or feeling out of place, consider creating a new routine that includes self-care activities like exercise, meditation, or journaling. If it feels difficult to get back to your old routines, adjust your standards for a little while until you get settled. Or, consider exploring your new city or base to find new places to make memories with your family.
I hope that these concepts help you and your family as you prepare for your move. Just remember, as tough as it can be, this is a new adventure, and you and your family will grow stronger through it all. Keep your head up and know that there are others going through the same thing. Best of luck to you and your family!
Meet Casie
Casie is a toddler mom, Space Force spouse, and thrives when she is active, connected to her community, and serving others. After working for thirteen years in education & the nonprofit sector as a teacher, national trainer, and strategy consultant, she recently paused her office-based career to spend more time with her family and pursue other interests.
As a lifelong athlete, she is passionate about all things relating to personal wellness. She currently serves as a health coach, designs and leads wellness workshops, and coordinates Financial Peace University at her current duty station.
She has been a military spouse for nearly ten years, proudly supporting her husband in the Air Force for the first seven years of their marriage and the Space Force for the past three. She is excited and honored to serve as the Space Force Lead Contributor for the Wives of the Armed Forces.
