I remember when my husband went on his first deployment, I was ready to go. I had every care-package organized month-by-month, had gone to Michael’s to get all the cute themed cardstock, and my Pinterest board full of things to send his way was going strong.
What Pinterest did not prepare me for was the month (or two.. or three) long process for a package to get to him on deployment. It didn’t prepare me for the TDY where he was only able to email for months. It didn’t prepare me for the days without any communication at all. It didn’t prepare me for the months of only hearing his voice in videos I had saved in my camera roll.
Let’s face it – long distance sucks, no matter what form it’s taking (TDY, long-distance, or deployment). But your relationship doesn’t have to suffer with it! Here are a few ways I keep our relationship strong, despite the miles between us.
1. Don’t fall into the trap of talking about work, work, work…and more work.
The weekend before my husband left on our first deployment together, our (fellow Marine Corps) neighbors gifted us with the 1000 Things You Don’t Know About Me Activity Journal, from Target! They had just accomplished a hefty TDY apart and said that this book was their lifeline. I had no idea at the time just how helpful that book would be! When you see each other every day, there’s SO much to talk about. (What are we making for dinner? Are we still going to trivia this Tuesday? Look at this home reno I did while you were at work – wait, you did WHAT?) But when your other half is deployed/TDY/far away, it’s easy to fall into the routine of talking about the same old things, just different days. And while it’s great to hear about work, it’s important to include everything else! This book was such a fun way to switch up the conversation and chat about something other than what was keeping us apart.
2. Don’t forget to make time for YOU.
Wait…what? Isn’t this post supposed to be about how to keep my relationship strong? YES! Making time for you and taking care of yourself will make you a better significant other. It’s so important to remember to keep your cup full while you and your partner are apart. Long TDYs and deployments are an opportunity for you to use that extra time to jump back into that old hobby you never had time for, a chance to put yourself out there for an on-base sports team, or grabbing coffee with that gal pal that somehow is always on opposite schedules with you. Learning to make time for me was such a crucial part of my mental health last deployment, especially with the insane time difference. I had so much extra time. It was so important that I was intentional with that time.
3. Find the chance to make non-dates…dates.
I remember how much I treasured the rare, random Facetime during an extended TDY or a long-as-heck deployment. They were never expected, but it made them so much sweeter when I did get the chance to see my husband’s face! While it’s not the easiest thing to plan to eat dinner at the same time during these random Facetimes or phone calls (hello, 18 hours ahead..), I found ways to make everything into a date. Whether I was out grocery shopping while he called, running my 5th Amazon package to the post office to return (oops), or just getting home from church, I learned to make everything into a date! It’s always a good opportunity to get closer and strengthen your relationship, even with the not-so-glamorous outings. It just takes 10 minutes, or however long you have, of intentional conversation and undivided attention.
4. Learn to let go of strict expectations.
This one is hard! One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten from a fellow military spouse was to “write everything in pencil”. As a huge planner, this has saved me so much headache (and calendar space, let’s be real). While pushed homecoming dates are never ideal, and uncertainty can be so defeating, it’s something that sometimes comes with the role. Frustration is so valid and it’s so much easier said than done, but there’s so much control in letting go! By letting go of this frustration and knowing that some things are out of your partner’s control, you’ll save this added stress of being long-distance. Trust me – they probably want to be home just as bad as you want them there (if not more).
5. Share the mundane moments – take pictures and share them often!
When my husband and I were on an email-only basis, a lot of our emails were trying to catch up on days at a time over one long email. I loved being more intentional and taking the time to write to him and read what he wrote me! Eventually, I started adding a picture with each email. Whether it was a picture of my newest PR at CrossFit, a picture of me after church, or the newest Instagram-worthy recipe I tried for dinner – it was something that he looked forward to seeing as well! I never thought I could check my email any more than I already did, but it was the very first thing I did each morning and the last thing I did before bed. Let’s not get started on the days I got lucky enough to receive TWO emails in one day! There’s nothing like long-distance to help you to appreciate the little things!
- There are so many little things that add up to strengthen you as a couple, even when you are endless miles apart. Control the controllables, be intentional, and let the countdown begin until you see each other again!
Meet Kaitlin
Kaitlin and her husband have been married for two years. While her husband has been in the Marine Corps for ten years, Kaitlin has also been involved, working for the Marine Corps for the past four years. They currently reside in sunny, Southern California. In their free time, they can be found catching some sun at the beach, finding new restaurants, or hanging on the couch rooting for the Dallas Cowboys! Though a newer military spouse, Kaitlin is also a military sister and daughter. She’s eager to foster community amongst other military spouses and find the positives within this crazy, beautiful life we all get to be part of!
