Unlike many military spouses who have been along for the ride and involved in making big decisions like what jet to fly, what preferences for assignments, where to live, etc., I came into the military spouse world in the middle of my husband’s career. This made for a much different experience than other spouses who had the opportunity to grow and learn about what to expect along the way. Here are some of the things that you can expect as a spouse coming into the F-16 community in the middle of your husband’s career.
SOMEDAYS IT FEELS LIKE BROS BEFORE H*ES
There are days your spouse will be coming home late, not just due to his work schedule, but to hang out at the squadron or because he has a squadron event that you’re not invited to. I’ve learned that having bonding time (or “bro time” as they call it), is super important for squadron camaraderie. These guys are literally putting their lives in each other’s hands. If there’s any tension or miscommunication between one another, things can get ugly. Having that bonding time, whether it be through rollcalls, golf outings (yes, some days their workday actually consists of going golfing), grabbing a whiskey after work, etc., is crucial to creating relationships with their coworkers.
BE AN INDEPENDENT DEPENDENT!
As an F-16 spouse, you’ll find yourself home alone quite often, raising a family on your own, navigating solo through a foreign country, or in the middle of a move across the world all by yourself. Although spouses are considered “dependents”, I’ve got to say that spouses are some of the strongest, most independent women I know! They go months without seeing their spouses, raise families on their own, navigate foreign countries without any help, and so much more!
LOVE YOUR FELLOW SPOUSES – SOMETIMES THEY’RE ALL YOU’VE GOT!
Again, you’re on your own a lot. There will be many times that you’ll have to lean on your fellow spouses for help or support. Love and cherish them. The F-16 community is small and getting smaller. Although there are frequent “goodbyes”, there’s a good chance you will cross paths again at another assignment.
GET INVOLVED
Many of us give up so much to support our spouses and live in this crazy lifestyle. Sometimes if you feel distant from that “why you’re here”, it’s helpful to feel more connected to the military community. A great way to do this is to get involved. Volunteer for a chair position, offer to help plan an event, host a party at your house to get to know everyone better, or simply ask to go grab coffee with someone. Ask lots of questions! As silly as I sometimes feel asking what acronyms stand for or what something means, there is no dumb question in this military life. It’s A LOT to learn and takes a lot of time to get the hang of. Now, almost three years into this military spouse journey, I still learn something new about it every single day. I have plenty of bad days, but all of the good days make up for it and remind me what a unique lifestyle I am getting to live.
STATESIDE OR OVERSEAS?
As for being a F-16 spouse, there is a decent variety of places you could end up. For stateside assignments, there’s Shaw AFB in South Carolina, Holloman AFB in New Mexico, Luke AFB in Arizona, Nellis AFB in Nevada, as well as reserve bases in other locations. For overseas assignments, there’s Aviano AB in Italy, Spangdahlem AB in Germany, Kunsan and Osan AB in South Korea, and Misawa AB in Japan. The biggest decision you’ll want to consider is whether you want to stay stateside or go overseas. In my personal opinion, I prefer the overseas assignments. From my experience, overseas assignments have a much stronger community. There are more squadron events, more spouse get-togethers, and a greater desire to get out and explore the local area or travel with one another. My experience with stateside assignments may be skewed a bit due to arriving after the pandemic, as well as coming here as a WIC instructor. The community is just not as strong. People have their own lives to live – their own jobs, schools, gyms, grocery stores, neighborhoods, etc. Everyone has their opinion about each base (whether they’ve been there or not). My advice is to focus on the positives and take the negatives with a grain of salt. Most bases are really what you make them to be.
REMEMBER WHAT YOU’RE IN IT FOR
Push past the bad days, lean on other spouses (they’ve all been there), and do something to remind you of the good days – keep a photo album, journal, or start a blog (which is what I did!). It’s a tough lifestyle. You may have to give up your job, you may live far from family and friends, you may have an identity crisis or two, you may feel completely out of your element. But each and every day, remind yourself of what/who you sacrificed everything for – that will make it all worth it in the end!
MEET KYLIE
