I’ve been a military spouse for just over 2 years. The challenges of being married to an Intelligence Officer are unique, even to the experience of other military spouses. I hope to bring some light and encouragement to other people who have a significant other in this field.
The Job
The first thing you might notice about this article is that you won’t find my name or face attached to it. For the safety and security of our family and the mission of our current base, I cannot reveal any information here that will connect me to my husband’s work or the place we currently serve. Intelligence Officers work with various kinds of highly classified material and have to go through a stringent process to earn a security clearance. This process is costly and time-consuming and when the clearance is finally earned, signifies that the receiving individual is both trustworthy and reliable.
Though my extended family knows where I live and some basic details of my husband’s work, being the wife of an Intel Officer is challenging due to the secrecy and unknown. When strangers ask what my husband does, I often end up giving a pat answer like “he’s in operations” or “he’s an officer in the military”. If pushed about his role, I might shrug it off or change the subject. The truth is, I don’t fully understand what my husband does, nor will I ever know. Secrecy is part of the experience and you often have to be OK with the “not knowing”.
Day to Day
In my experience, it often feels like my husband works a normal “8-5” job. He leaves for work on base in the morning and is often home for dinner. This is not the experience of every Intel worker and depends heavily on the type of mission they support as well as their specific skill set. For example, some Intelligence personnel work in shifts to monitor, analyze, and report incoming information in real time. This shift work can often heavily impact family life because the military member is regularly gone 12 hours or several days at a time.
I have a flexible consulting job that allows me to work remotely and care for our infant son. Our life feels pretty “normal” during non-deployment times. Even his TDY’s (an acronym that means “Temporary Duty Yonder” and is treated like a short, temporary deployment) are often short – less than 2 weeks.
PCS
PCS stands for Permanent Change of Station – this is the “Big move”. Intel officers move more frequently than other military members – every 3 years. Intelligence workers can go almost anywhere and support many kinds of missions, which makes predicting where we will serve next nearly impossible. Stations in Europe and Asia boast tons of jobs. Hawaii and Alaska are also huge Intel hubs. If the US has a footprint somewhere, US Intelligence is likely also there. This is exciting for our family because we enjoy new experiences and living in new and exciting places.
We have undergone just one PCS as a family and exciting as it is, it is absolutely life-altering. It can be really difficult. In my experience, the only way to live fully and purposefully at any given assignment is to plug into the community. Whether it’s church community, local community, or military community, the relationships you build are unlike any other because you understand both the temporality and the importance of community. The hardest part of a PCS for me is leaving the friends and community we’ve worked hard to build over the last months and years – and it happens often.
Rock the Military Life
Despite the unique challenges of this role and the toll it can take on family life, I couldn’t be more proud of my husband. Though I don’t understand everything about his work (or really know any details), I do know that the work he does is crucial to the effective operations of our military and national security and I am so proud of him. The men and women of the intelligence field do specialized and highly-skilled work and I’m blessed to support them as a spouse.
The best advice I can give to any military spouse is to find a solid community and plug in. It’s so important to surround yourself with other spouses who share your lived experience. Other Intel families will “get it” – all of the questions and uncertainty, as well as the quick PCS cycle. It’s worth the time and energy to get to know the people who can best support you as you rock this military lifestyle!
