Creating more time for YOU: prioritizing and outsourcing while your spouse is away.
Raise your hand if you stay up wayyy too late at night when your spouse is away 🙋♀️ Don’t worry, me too.
After years of TDYs and deployments and more (and more) kids, I used to find myself exhausted. I told myself, “Of course you’re exhausted! You have three kids and your spouse is away”. And sure, I wasn’t wrong but I also knew there had to be a better way.
I couldn’t continue staying up late because that was the only time I had to catch up on the important things and get some “me” time. I needed rest, sleep, and to feel like I had accomplished something in my day… before the clock struck midnight.
Now, I have myself tucked in bed by 10 pm and getting a full 8 hours of sleep (okay, most nights!) when my spouse is away. And yes, I have things checked off my to do list, the house is mostly picked up, and I’ve had quiet time for me.
So what changed?
My process and priorities.
I want to share this process with you because it has literally changed my life for the better, especially when my spouse is away!
I use this process in my personal life and business and I always gain clarity on what is truly important when finding time for myself during different seasons of life.
How I create more time for myself and feel more organized when my spouse is away:
1. I create a to do list.
This might sound simple, but hear me out. I created a to do list that is broken down into four categories: must do, want to do, when I can, and outsource.
Must do:
Keep this simple and to only three tasks, no more! When your spouse is away, it’s okay to feel accomplished by knowing you have done three important things that keep your life going. These are tasks that you have to do, like quite literally. Out of food in the house? You have to go food shopping or order groceries. Your check engine light is on? You must get your car looked at.
I think you get the point, but I am going to say this again…keep this list to THREE tasks or less! We might feel like it needs to be more but realistically, three is enough to handle each day.
Want to do:
This section of your to do list should be things that are important but could also wait a day or two if need be. Need to reply to emails? That could wait a day. Grass too long in the backyard? Meh, mow it tomorrow. This is the section of our to do list where we can have some grace with ourselves. If we are feeling energetic and want to get something else done, this is where you go to on your list.
When I can:
You might not check one thing off this list while your spouse is away, AND THAT IS FINE! But we still have the right to dream and imagine the things we really want to dedicate our time to some day. This is our dream list. Some examples could be: redecorating the living room, finally planning that girls trip outside the group chat, etc. My best advice for this list is to make a Trello Board (aka inspo board) and add to it. When you have ideas or want to add to your vision on something, add it to your trello board so you can remember! This list is meant to be fun and hey, when your spouse is back- plan a day to tackle something on this list to lift your creative spirits.
Outsource:
My FAVORITE part of this list. As a military spouse (or a human in general) we simply cannot handle everything on our own. We need community and an extra set of hands. It’s so important to realize who in your circle you can ask for help or who you can hire! Things I outsource when my spouse is away: monthly house cleaning (the DEEP cleaning), childcare, car cleaning (because 3 kids know how to destroy a car), grocery shopping and delivery, and even admin tasks (tasks, trip planning, meal planning, etc). Some of these tasks I pay for and some come from friends and family. I suggest picking one thing someone is willing to help you with and one thing you are able to pay for. Can you imagine the mental space you would have just getting two things off your load?
Click here to snag a free printable download of this to do list!
Now that you have a to do list and know what you are prioritizing with your time, let’s figure out when you will get your MUST DO tasks done.
2. Write out your schedule
Yes, simply write out your schedule. Grab a blank sheet of paper, write the days of the week on it, and write down anything you consistently do on there.
Grab the free guide here that walks you through each process!
3. Find the white space
Now that you know your consistent schedule, find the white space. Find the time that you can accomplish your must do 3 tasks. Do you have time during nap time? What about the hour in the morning you usually spend scrolling through apps?
4. Implement your to do list
Complete your schedule with your to do list added to it. Now, you don’t have to think and you know exactly how your day and week should flow. Here is mine with my white space highlighted in yellow:
Pro tip: leave room for flexibility. Kids get sick, traffic happens, or maybe lunch with a friend takes front and center over your day. Leave room to adapt to that.
Congrats, now you have changed your process from entering your day not sure what you need to do, want to do, and have time to to do…to having a plan, a goal, and more time to rest up for the next day.
A quick tip from a “seasoned” spouse, mom of 3, and business owner…it’s 100% acceptable to have REST as a must-do task. I love the idea that we must rest to do important work versus working so hard that we have to rest.
Feeling burnout on the horizon? Here are a few practical ways to avoid burnout, in personal or business life.
Learn more about Kayla and her business here. She has a mission to grow her business and give opportunities to more military spouses.
Meet Kayla
Kayla Dansby, owner of Groove Virtual Assisting, is on her own mission to serve businesses while supporting the military spouse community. As a mom to three kids, living overseas, and an Air Force spouse of 14 years she understands the struggles that military spouses face, especially when it comes to time management and finding time for YOU. Join Kayla as she teaches her favorite method for prioritization, outsourcing, and finding the white space on the calendar so you can find a balance of tackling your to do list but also having time for rest and recharging while your spouse is away (or at home).
