Keep the kids in the loop
If there’s one big thing we’ve learned in becoming parents it’s that preparing our kid to the best of our ability for what’s to come sets them up for the best shot at success. Whether that’s their first dentist appointment or Dad being away, we try our best to be intentional to talk them through as much as we can in advance. Once we know something is on the books we prepare them for what our “new normal” will look like with Dad away, we talk about championing each other while he’s gone and acknowledge that we’ll miss him and all be eager and excited for his return.
While Dad is away, we do our best to control the chaos. With ever-changing schedules we try to never promise anything we know isn’t guaranteed (FaceTime dates, a day/time of return, etc.) We lean hard into more tangible things we can control – sending Marco Polo videos to share with Dad what we did that day, and watching his replies back to us as a family. Putting together crafts to place on his pillow as a “welcome home” or chalking fun welcome home pictures on the driveway. Anything to honor their emotion of missing their buddy, while still protecting them from the whiplash of the lifestyle.
Use books and other resources to help them work through the big emotions of missing a parent
It’s totally normal to see behavior and attitude changes in our kids when one parent is away. Empowering them with the words to name the feelings they are experiencing is so important to help them process! There are a lot of really powerful books (some even written by milsos for milsos) to help kids through the experience of missing someone and long-distance seasons of life, HERE is a list of some of our favorites!
Do something special if you can while they’re away
The days holding it down at home solo can be monotonous for sure and it’s easy to slip into a resentful place when you are the default parent. To combat that, we like to take this time and lean into the opportunity of connecting more deeply with our kids.
This season of having Mom solo at home can bring new adventures and one way we do that is by strategically planning special treats along the way! This can look like a new craft, checking out a new park, picnic dinners, sleepovers with Mom, unique breakfast treats, and so much more! Not only will this help you pass through the days with more excitement but also will give the kids a chance to look forward to something aside from just “one day closer” to their parent returning.
Use the time they’re away from their parent to lean into other important interpersonal relationships
These seasons of time apart as a military family can really allow us the chance to slow down and schedule in sweet connection moments between our kids and those who love them (but likely live far away)! Just like we recommend you pouring into your friendships and family relationships while your significant other is away, it’s just as valuable to your littles to do the same. There’s nothing more swee than watching our kids getting excited to share all of the little ins and outs of their day with an adult hanging onto their every word through the phone. And, let’s not leave out the value of FaceTime babysitting so you can drink your coffee or, heck, use the bathroom in peace!
Establish a new normal
We have ops for when Dad is home and then ops for when he’s away, this keeps the day-to-day dynamic and fun because the kids have things to look forward to with each experience. Things that might not happen at all or often when Dad is home (e.g., fast food picnic on the living room floor) are absolutely epic (and life-saving for a Mom who might be too tired to cook) when he’s gone! We explain this to our kids very directly – the way things happen when Mom and Dad are here working together might not look the same as when Dad is gone, both ways are good and add value to our family. Ultimately, this is about giving each other grace (especially yourself!!) and recognizing that although you may normally have everyone bathed, read to and in bed by 7:30pm when Dad is home, if you skip bath one night, only read one instead of two books and everyone is in bed by 7:45pm still, IT’S OK as long as you’ve all made it through the day as happy and healthy as possible.
