One of the most common topics we have WAFs reach out to us about is how to meet friends when moving to new places so frequently. And…as much as we wish we had the perfect answer for this, truth be told…we’re still figuring this one out for ourselves!! Adult friendships are HARD. Especially when you have a great foundation of friends from earlier in life. However, these adult friendships are important and if you’re lucky, when all of your friends from past and present meet they’ll get along great and you’ll have 300 polaroids from a Bachelorette party night that included lots of wine, fried foods and twerking. Haha!
The biggest takeaway from adult friendships: they don’t come without intentional work and conversation. You know that “yes man” mentality we’ve touched on in a few posts? THIS is where that comes in handy.
(K) We had only lived in Tacoma for a few months when Jen and I first met through our husbands at a baseball game. BUT Jen and I didn’t really start to connect on a deeper level until right before her husband got back from his deployment and mine was about to take off for his. It was around 6p on a Saturday night when I got a Facebook message from Jen asking if I wanted to meet up with her and a few other WAFs for food and drinks at a wine bar. Mind you, my husband was out of town, I had spent the entire day cleaning and was in my cozies winding down getting ready to make dinner. Did I WANT to shower and get ready to go out with a group of girls I had never met…no (just the thought of blow drying my hair exhausts me)…did I NEED to suck it up, get ready and go…yes. That night is what started a deep-rooted friendship between me and Jen, it also led to many Holiday dinners with the other ladies fun AF Ball memories, Derby parties, etc. These are all moments I truly can’t imagine thinking back on my Tacoma time and not having, so be a “yes man!”
(J) I could echo Kirstin till I am blue in the face! No matter if it is your first move as a WAF or your third, dropping your “norms” is crucial! This is often what makes WAFs so awesome because after all of these PCS moves, we can adapt to any and all changes!
You also have to be thoughtful about boundaries and respect the time your local WAF girls need when their spouse is in town or right after they’ve left.
(K) When I force my family dog to snuggle with me despite his best efforts to bail at the first sound of someone rummaging around in the kitchen, I call this the “snuggle struggle” – you will love me and you will like it because it’s been so long since I’ve last seen you! 😂 When my husband would leave town, I always thought I needed a day or two to “be sad”. Then I met Jen, who forced me into her own version of the snuggle struggle and I learned very quickly that it was a lot more fun to have girl plans the second my husband left for a mission than it was to sit on my couch alone feeling sorry for myself. I appreciate her so deeply for challenging my comfort zones and teaching me what I really needed in those moments. In a very thoughtful way, she would invite me to do something simple “hey do you want to run to Target with me quick – I just need to pick up some kitty litter.” It was that simple, an event to get me out of the house, into a place we could roam around and just unwind. I can’t tell you how many of those kitty litter runs turned into full blown girls nights with me staying over and us both eating an entire cookie log while binge watching any trash TV we could find. My point is – don’t be so set in your ways or so scared of change that you don’t take people up on the simple things!
Which leads to the next tip, prioritize your new friendships!
(J) WAF or not, it is important to make your friends feel valued. And making new friends can often feel more like the beginning of a dating relationship! You want to be friendly, timely, and respectful-right?! Right! And sometimes, even if its for your spouse, bailing can be a clear indicator to a new friend that they just aren’t all that important to you. This would be a great conversation for you to have with your spouse as well so that y’all are on the same wavelength! But there were times that Kirstin and I would have something planned and one of our husbands would have a schedule change to where we would not be able to hang out with each other so we could be there to spend time with our spouses. There were also times when Kirst and I said “see ya” to our spouses so we could spend time together. It is such a fine balance but I knew that if I needed some girl time while Kirst’s husband was home, it would happen!
And definitely don’t be afraid to use the tools that the Air Force provides for us spouses!
(J) While both K and I are naturally not the first to sign up for a military sponsored event, local spouse groups are a great way to get plugged in to a new community! I went into my first spouse event with the mindset of, ” I may not find my best friend here, but maybe people here will introduce me to her!”. I was thankful that this plan seemed to work for me and I was able to find a great group of ladies! But sometimes, solid spouse groups aren’t established at your based…don’t be afraid to get something going on your own! Because if you are feeling like there needs to be a way for spouses to connect, odds are, someone else is feeling the same way! Even after being at one station for so long, I still fully support spouse events-mainly to meet the new spouses! I have the same mindset for them, maybe I wont be there cup of tea, but hopefully I can help them get plugged in. <3
Having new friends can be exciting! But finding new friends while also trying to navigate a new location can be super stressful. Hopefully these tips and stories of what worked for us can help encourage you to step out there and know that you will make it through! It’s still so fascinating for both of us to talk about our first perceptions about the area and making friends with each other!!
Xo, J + K
