Anyone will tell you that military life can be stressful. A fairly new milso recently posted in the Facebook group (did you know we had an awesome Facebook group for each branch? Join us!), that there had been one lost document too many, one more unknown about when or where life would take her family, that she just couldn’t handle. She reached out to ask, “How do you cope when life goes wrong?” Our community rallied to shower her with empathy and love and a good dose of practical, sensible tips.
TIP #1: WELCOME TO MILITARY LIFE. EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED. JUST BREATHE.
We make plans because it helps us to feel better. As if somehow, in the midst of the craziness of constant change, we have grasped a little control. The number one piece of advice given by the women in the community: WAF life will rarely go as you expect or as you plan. Wings up, let the air take you where it will. Be flexible. Practice patience.
Planes break down in the most beautiful of places (Can you say, “Thailand or Australia”?) and it will be a few more days until your airman/airwoman is home to you. Now that you are married you were expecting to get paid more, yet your spouse’s LES still reflects a single person’s pay. The birth certificate you submitted somehow disappeared and you have to find another copy. Easy to deal with all of this frustration? No way! Yet, many women in the group agreed that over time, they have gotten better with riding out the twists and turns of this rollercoaster life.
Time for a little practical advice. Before you submit anything, make several copies. A few women from our community suggested downloading the iPhone app, Genius Scan. This way you will have all of your important documents in one place. Lost marriage license or shot records? No problem, you can just email another copy.
In this community, we have a tribe of frugalistas who shared more practical advice. Start saving for the storm. These women suggested that having savings added such peace of mind when the LES reflected less than they expected. During the time it took to get an error sorted out, they paid the bills from their savings without a worry.
TIP #2: FOCUS ON YOU. IT WILL GET YOU THROUGH.
We have learned in dealing with COVID-19, that there is so much out of our control. A number of the women suggested we flex the “control, what you can control” muscle. Focus on what you can change: yourself!
Many women are flexing their literal muscles by working out. This physical activity gives them something to focus on that boosts endorphins and helps them to feel strong. Other women choose to put their attention on school and take a course or earn their degree. Have you always wanted to learn to knit or crochet? Some WAFS pick up new skills to help them in times of life’s turbulence. The workplace is another outlet where women use their skills, shape and grow their own identity and get a feeling of satisfaction.
Find your focus. When “just breathing” just won’t cut it, having your area of “control” might be a sanctuary.
TIP #3: REACH OUT.
Countless women warmed our hearts by pointing back to this community as a place of refuge. Who better to share your joys and misery with than another milspouse who really gets it? They feel your pain because they, too, have been through more TDYs than you can count, worried about moving and finding the right home and grieved leaving behind a good friend.
Several of us have found lifelong, amazing friends by connecting with another spouse. So she may not be just like you and things might not even click the first few times you are with each other, but those friendships are sure to come. Keep reaching out. Even in this age of social distancing, we can still connect with one another virtually and find advice, empathy and a much needed laugh. Join us on Instagram and Facebook and find a group of people ready to laugh with you through the heartaches that come your way.
WHAT ELSE?
What else can you do when you feel like you aren’t coping as well as you would like? Some of our community suggested therapy and medication. Sharing with a professional may be more of what you need and want than reaching out to another WAF. Yes, your friend is fabulous, but she is not a trained therapist. Anti-anxiety or anti-depression meds might be just what you need to make it from one duty station to the next or from one day to the next. You can view one of our most trusted and TRICARE covered resources HERE.
THE SWEET SILVER LINING
Guess what? Many milsos believe there is a sweet silver lining in all of the disappointments and delays. The military has brought them life-changing opportunities like living abroad. Other women feel the trials have helped to solidify the relationship with their spouse. They think, “we are in this together and we know how to take the curveballs now.” And again, so many of us don’t know where we would be if it were not for our “sisters in the struggle.”
How about you? How do you cope when this military life ride gets too bumpy? We would love to hear how you not only get by, get through it, but how you thrive. Leave us a comment below.
