POV: You are in your late 20s, your military spouse is getting ready to deploy, and you are packing to move across the country to live with your parents. Couldn’t be me… but it is. There is something to be said for the “suck” that comes with this scenario, but what if we decided to embrace it instead? Read on for five things we can gain from moving back in with our folks while our spouses are deployed, TDY, at the schoolhouse, etc!
Financial Peace
If I were a betting woman (spoiler, I’m not), I would hedge my bets that finances are a top, top reason why spouses move home while their spouse is away. If you are like me, and you are able to take advantage of a low-to-no rent situation for the short term, it is a perfect chance to reset. Set financial goals with your partner for this stage and get ahead of the curve. Your future self will thank you!
Quality Time with Family
Hopefully the decision to move in with your parents, grandparents, in-laws, siblings, or other loved ones came from a mutual, loving decision between both parties because you already have a solid relationship. Whether you have kids or cats (or both/neither), quality time with your loved ones will be invaluable during this time. Lean into the companionship and support because–say it with me–being away from your partner sucks, but you may never get the opportunity to spend this much time under the same roof again.
If the relationship with your loved ones is strained in any way and your impending move is out of need, this decision may have come with more difficulty and heartache. If that is the case, I empathize with you and I hope you can give yourself grace to repair the relationship with your housemates.
Celebrating Friendships
Because of my career, I already have the privilege of frequent trips to my hometown. Every time I visit, my cup is refilled with the connection and community that is my core group of friends. With the uncertainty of life that comes with being in a relationship with an active-duty service member, it is so important to relish the time we get to spend with our friends from home! Whether it is catching up with an old friend or finally sharing a zip code with the best friend you never go a day without speaking to, find the joy in the time you DO get to spend in the same place with your people. You never know when you will be in the same place long term.
Connecting with Your Hometown
There is something special about returning to your hometown to stay after some time away. As someone who (pre-WAF) purchased a home a mere 40 minutes away from the house I grew up in with the intention of never leaving, then moved 1,500+ miles away from home, I find such an appreciation for returning back to my parents’ suburban roots. It is important to recognize this experience as an opportunity to reconnect with the place you once called home. The familiarity combined with newer life experiences can create a balance that feels both nostalgic and inviting. Embrace it with a new perspective!
Independence
Something that was so important to me when my boyfriend left for Officer Candidate School (and during the two years we spent long distance) was to find things that filled my life with joy and gave me purpose. For some people, that is binge-watching the TV and film you would not normally watch with your spouse. For others (me), it is training for an Ironman 70.3. Whatever it is, find it! There is no reason not to pour into yourself during this season.
Whether the decision to move in with your folks was an easy one or came with more struggle, I hope you are able to gain even more than you anticipated. It is only a season, and I hope it serves you while your spouse is away.
Meet Laura
Laura has been a WAF (better yet, GAF ) since her boyfriend commissioned with the United States Marine Corps in November 2020. Her home base (for now!) is in Missouri, while her boyfriend is stationed at Camp Pendleton in Southern California. She is a former middle school English teacher and now works full-time in commercial construction in the St. Louis area. When she’s not at work, she can usually be found traveling to and from the west coast, training for endurance events (running/triathlon), or relaxing with a book and her two cats. She’s thrilled to be part of this supportive community of WAFs!
