PCS’ing as a GAF

Being in a relationship with someone in the military has its whole unique set of challenges. One of which is PCSing – whether it be consistent every 2-3 years, or at the drop of a dime. What can make this tough situation even tougher is not being married, aka not an official “dependent”. Not being married during a PCS means no extra compensation to support a one-income family + no health insurance.

Now, I’m certainly not trying to take away from all the other bad a$$ women out there who move with their husbands all the time. Moving with children, or as a spouse is hard, too. My hope for sharing my experience is to relate to some of the GAFs (girlfriends of the Air Force) out there and hopefully help at least one of you during your upcoming PCS.

My hubs + I went through two moves before we tied the knot. The first being from my parents’ home in the midwest to Seymour Johnson AFB (North Carolina) + the second from Seymour AFB to Hill AFB (here in Utah).

MIDWEST TO SEYMOUR JOHNSON – MOVING IS HARD AND SCARY.

These challenges came from the non-avoidable risk factors of moving for a boyfriend. I went from a big city in the midwest to a small town in North Carolina. Fortunately, I was still young enough to be on my parents insurance, so that hardship hadn’t hit me during this first move. I lucked out with finding a job fairly quickly after arriving (lived off savings until then). What was tough was leaving my friends, family and hometown behind. While I knew in my heart we’d end up together, the fear of the unknown existed in both of our minds which can and did put stress on the relationship. He knew I had risked a lot and that ate at him, too. Little did he know he was/is totally worth it. 🙂

One thing I had (and still have) going for me is how awesome my husband is. Since move one, he’s understood how important it is for me to have my own career, friends and life outside of our family. We initially thought that would be a great idea to split our commute between his job + mine for our assignment at Seymour. We lived in a small town in between Goldsboro and Raleigh. What ended up happening was that we both had terrible commutes; both each over an hour long (each direction). We also lived near none of our friends and felt “stuck”. We found that we had little time to spend together, as the majority of the mornings and evenings were spent commuting. We came to the conclusion that this wasn’t a realistic long-term solution for us. So, I decided I would quit my job and move to Goldsboro. We found an adorable townhome… I wasn’t sure what to do about work or insurance, but we found a cute place to live. Four days after signing our lease, he got his orders to deploy for 6 months. Long story short, we broke our lease and got an apartment downtown Raleigh. We did this knowing he’d be gone for the majority of our time left at this assignment, so he had no issues doing the commute for a month or two.

Here are the main takeaways from this story:

DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOUIt took us some trial and error, and I honestly believe it depends on which base your boyfriend/husband is stationed in. If it is possible to move near a larger city/town to help you find work, go to school, make friends, etc. DO IT! But, it also might make the most sense to be near base. Living near base allows you to spend more time with the Air Force community and you will quickly find more support than you ever could imagine.
BE HONEST AND OPEN WITH EACH OTHERIt’s okay to be scared and annoyed with each other. Keep that communication open and be open to changes and each other’s ideas. Don’t sugar coat things or keep worries to yourself. You’re in this life together and this communication will make or break you as a couple, especially in the beginning.

SEYMOUR JOHNSON TO HILL – ADULTING IS HARD AND SCARY.

Now, this is where all the adult-ish stuff takes place. At this point, we’d been together for almost 5 years, living together for over 2….and still… no ring. But the ring isn’t what got to me. It was the sheer fear of having no job, no insurance and no hard commitment. Again, I was uprooting my life and taking a huge financial risk. He assured me time and time again that we’ll make his one salary work. Meanwhile, I was praying I didn’t get sick or break something in between jobs. While I was eager to find a new job, I wanted to make sure I found the right one for me. The first job I took in North Carolina was not something I was truly happy with. So, I promised myself I’d do better this time around. Here are the 3 main things I did to find the best job and company I could have asked for:

DO YOUR RESEARCHNo matter what industry you’re in, look for companies in the area that have great employee reviews, are competitive and are in a location reasonable for you and your family.
FOLLOW UPFinding a job is hard, really hard. It’s a job in and of itself! Make sure you’re keeping track of all the applications your submit and find a way to follow up! Whether it’s an email to the HR department or a handwritten letter expressing why you’re excited. This will differentiate yourself from everyone else looking for that same awesome job.
DON’T SELL YOURSELF SHORTIt’s scary to think you may never find a job again (but you will). Don’t take the first offer you get just because you’re scared (that’s what I did in North Carolina, but not here in SLC). Take the first offer because it’s the job opportunity you’ve been waiting for. Yes, I realize the base you’re sent to may not host an economy with ton of options for your specific career field, but do your best to only accept the jobs that are the best fit for you.

In regard to insurance, I was past the age where I could cling to my parents’ plans. So, there are a few options:

Use COBRA from past job’s insurance plan (if applicable) – it’s expensive, but could be way cheaper than if you unexpectedly get hurt or sick.
You can apply for an individual insurance plan – from what I understand, you have a few options here in regard to coverage and costs.

There’s obviously a lot more to this and I think anyone going through this will quickly learn that. Just remember you and your boyfriend are together for a reason. Even when you’re stressed together, or annoyed with him, always remember that there are ways to improve your situation. 🙂 Be open and honest with each other, there is no point of pretending to be a perfect couple. No one is, so don’t even go there! The more you communicate, the quicker trust is built, which will make your entire relationship way easier. Last but not least, don’t sell yourself short. You’re all smart, strong and eager women – just know your careers will work out.