If you’re career-minded, I believe that you can have the career of your dreams and be a military spouse. I know this is a sensitive topic. So, this is for the milso fighting for their career, and feeling alone in the fight. It’s for the milso feeling guilty or confused about their goals. It’s for the milso who’s angry and sad. I have felt all those things too.
I met my husband right after his UPT graduation and since then I’ve earned two degrees, worked for five companies, and tripled my salary. It wasn’t easy. And while my success might sound anecdotal, I am sharing the proactive steps I’ve taken in the last nine years to protect and advance my career. Some of the advice was taken from other milsos, some is conventional wisdom, and some was trial and error. Most of it can be applied at any point in your career.
I felt called to my career
To prioritize your career as a military spouse, you need to believe in yourself and what you have to offer to the world. I feel called to my work the same way that my husband feels called to the military. If you feel a tug in your heart towards something you know is meant for you, follow it. If you feel that tug, then advocating for your career isn’t about money or having a cool response to the question “what do you do?” but about living out your calling.
My spouse was on board
Early in our relationship, we agreed that his military career was just his job, as my career was just my job, and we wouldn’t let either one overwhelm us. No matter how ambitious I was, or how overwhelming his job got, we would never think of either of them as anything but just “jobs.” This mindset helps us make logical, grounded decisions, and prioritize our marriage before our careers.
We did the long-distance thing
I was so young when I met my husband that this made sense for us for a season. It allowed me to start my career with a strong foundation. This decision isn’t for everyone, but the message here is really to use your spouse’s absences strategically. They’ll be gone. How can you use that to your advantage? Maybe this looks like using deployment to take some courses. Or maybe it means geo-baching for a year so you can finish a big project. Is a temporary extension of separation now going to pay off big time in the decades to come? If so, that might be the right choice for you.
We planned for every contingency
We had a calendar where we laid out my husband’s first 10-year commitment. We projected potential PCS dates, even possible separation dates. Of course, life happens and that calendar looks very different now than it did a few years ago, but seeing it all on paper helped me figure out where I fit in. I will never say my spouse’s career is more important than mine, but I will readily admit it’s the less flexible one. If you’re a planner this helps visualize all the possibilities.
I got my master’s online
I graduated from my master’s program just a few months after our wedding. These days, everything other than clinical or lab degrees are offered online. Many programs are synchronous, which means you’re in class virtually. This is great for some hands-on majors. But most degrees can be done asynchronously, which means at your leisure. I would work ahead when my husband was on a trip or doing a night flight and then be off on days he was home. Just make sure you do some research and pick a reputable university, so you don’t end up in a scam!
I got a position at my university to boost my resume
If you are in school and want to boost your resume, get a research assistant role. I can not stress this enough. It can be a massive career boost and your supervisor in that role will be the perfect person to write your recommendation letters for jobs, Ph.D. programs, and fellowships. Ask your professors or the Student Affairs offices. I only worked about ten hours a week for $18 per hour, but it was priceless in what it’s done for me long-term.
I took lateral (and backward!) moves
I went from an office job with a $10,000 bonus to an $8 daily stipend at a volunteer position. I spent more than that on bus fare and lunch. I was in the negative. I did this because a volunteer position looks better on a resume than a career gap, and I already had a growing gap at that point. Additionally, I knew that a volunteer position in my field would be more advantageous long-term than taking a retail job. I do acknowledge my privilege in this decision, as we could afford to lose my income.
I actively job-hunted for 18 months
When I accepted the volunteer position I had already been applying for eight months, and I kept applying to jobs for another ten months until I found my next salaried role. Yup – eighteen months total. In that time I applied to seventy-four jobs and only got seven interviews. It was discouraging. I cried. My field of work did not exist where we were. You know the story. I stood my ground and kept applying.
I used MilSpouse resources and community
There were Facebook groups that helped me, including Military Spouses with Advanced Degrees and the Virtforce group. I asked questions and scrolled through job postings. I used Hire Heroes USA to help with my resume. And when things were at their worst, I invested in learning about milsos who had succeeded before me. There are many success stories out there, and we can all encourage each other along the way. One resource I loved was The Spouse Angle podcast.
I was specific
I see this mistake a lot from military spouses in the networking groups I am in. Don’t ever ask for help with a vague question like “I have a big resume gap but looking to get back into the workforce, hopefully remote. Any leads?” Instead say, “I have experience with x. I am passionate about y. I am looking for z. Does anyone have any connections or advice to share?” Always start with your value add, not your limitation.
I took a risk and it paid off
In 2020 I applied for a position based in the northeast. At this point, we were hoping to get stationed in DC or NJ the following year. The company was remote due to Covid. I told them we’d be returning to the northeast next year when they returned to in-person work. If it worked out, I could work and commute from the northeast. If it didn’t work out, I would have to leave the role but the experience would benefit me regardless. In the end, the whole organization went remote within six months. When we ended up getting stationed in the northwest instead of the northeast, I kept my job. It was a blessing I’d never have gotten if I hadn’t taken the risk.
I researched doctoral programs at every possible base
Before my most recent PCS, I researched programs I could do near all the bases on our “likely” list. I knew I’d need to start about six months before our PCS if I was going to graduate when we’d be leaving that station. I got accepted to the one I am doing now only eight weeks after we got our orders. I took another risk and started that fall. If our orders had changed, I would have had to start over, but the sunk cost would have been worth the benefit if it all worked out.
I networked constantly even when I didn’t need to
Networking matters. I even once got connected with a milso’s dad of all people, who worked in my field. He was nice enough to do a phone call with me and give me some advice. I network at school, at conferences, in Facebook groups, and on LinkedIn. Not all these relationships have “paid off” but they’re great ways to learn more and stay inspired.
I used a job offer I didn’t want to negotiate a pay raise
This is pretty straightforward in the business world but it’s worth it if you can make it work. I applied to a job that sounded cool on a whim. After my second interview, I realized that the role wasn’t for me. But instead of withdrawing my application, I waited. I got an offer and was able to use it to negotiate a higher salary and higher bonus in my current role.
I am already planning what’s next
Planning and flexibility seem to be opposites, but they go hand-in-hand in the military. I am already looking ahead, dreaming, exploring, and researching. As long as we’re doing the military thing, I have plans A and B and C and Z. It keeps me nimble, excited, and invested in this life to have my hands in all the pots.
I decided to not have kids in my twenties
It would be dishonest to not mention it. I would not be balancing a full-time managerial role and doctoral courses during a surprise deployment if I had littles. I’m not advising you to not have kids. I also believe you can be incredibly successful in your career with kids! But it’s been our choice to not open that door yet, and we’re happy with it. Listen, “having it all” is a myth. All women (and men!) will have to make these decisions at some point, military or not. This was mine.
I look at the possibilities
Our default is often to think of this life as full of sacrifices because it’s easier to accept the hits if we’re ready for them. But we can think of this lifestyle as full of possibilities as well. And I don’t mean the possibility of having to give up your career. I mean the incredible opportunities for your career that you haven’t even begun to imagine yet. My career isn’t exactly what it would be if I was single, but it’s exactly the career I want right now. If you want to chat, please reach out HERE.
Meet Sarah
Sarah has been a C-17 girlfriend/spouse for almost nine years and through five deployments. Sarah works in education policy and is eager to help all military spouses reach their education and career goals. She is currently finishing her Doctorate of Law and Policy at Northeastern University.
