As I’m sure most of y’all already know, the WAF life can be a crazy one! You encounter experiences you could never dream of + if your background is not military-oriented, you might not believe you were put in those situations. Before I dive into my own personal experience with having a baby while my spouse was deployed, I want to put out there that no one has the EXACT same experiences. We try to connect + compare experiences in our somewhat similar lifestyles, but when someone says the move was easy or she enjoyed a location or deployment went by quickly, just remember one factor or another is always different! You are not weaker or stronger nor less or more capable. We are all here to empower each other 😊
MY EXPERIENCE
I was 20 weeks pregnant when I got the phone call from my husband, he was being deployed. I hung up the phone, sat back in my chair + honestly chuckled to myself, “well it happened.”
No tears, no yelling, little emotion…kind of weird, right?!
To set the stage, my husband + I are both active duty Air Force + if there is one thing I have learned over my six years active duty is that (for better or worse) crazy situations are bound to happen. Expect the unexpected + try your best to not be surprised when a situation arises that you could never predict. It’s HARD to live that way which is why it’s so great to have a community like the WAFs that “get it” + are there to support each other 😊 I was so lucky to have a great support group, not just for the moment of delivery, but from preparing for the baby throughout my maternity leave. Platforms like this allow you to build the village you need in case you find yourself in a tough situation. You will already have your go-to crew!
First, let me say that the AF will try its best to accommodate for home life situations. But truly, it is all dependent on what leadership has at their fingertips…extra people to swap deployments, a unit assigned deployment vs. big AF-directed deployment, or if the deployment date is close to a birth due date they can try to delay the departure date. Many factors play into how much wiggle room they have. Also keep in mind, the AF doesn’t owe you these accommodations, but in my experience, there is usually an effort made. In our case, his report date was two months away from the due date + my husband’s unit had no options.
I was 32 weeks pregnant when my family went to the airport to drop off my hubs for his six-month deployment. We had two little kiddos at the time—Dallas was five + Leo Amelia was two. I remember pulling up into our driveway after the drop-off + the tears began. Like ugly cry, can’t breathe tears! A huge weight had been put on my shoulders: mothering my two children, working full time + just eight weeks away from welcoming our 3rd child. Before he left my husband had put together the new crib + changing table + pulled a number of things out of storage. Still, I was SO far from being prepared. I can vividly remember sitting in the driveway + saying to myself, “Pull it together, you have to be strong.” My mantra…I had to believe it.
THE PLANNING PROCESS
Fortunately for me this was not my first baby. The lifestyle change + the steep learning curve of a new mom would have made this experience extremely different. With my first, I was super prepared. I had made lists, compared products, read books, did research, etc…All the first-time mommy stuff. With my second, I was swamped with my AF job + I simply tried to wing it (other than buying a gazillion bows + girly clothes since it was my first girl!). My husband was home for our second baby, so when we needed a new baby swing at the last minute or more diapers, I was able to have him run out + grab them. Knowing the different approaches + circumstances I had with the two previous babies, I knew this time I would have to be more organized.
You could say I went into overdrive with planning once we knew the deployment was firm. The first week after we found out about the deployment, I went straight to the internet searching for Doulas. There is an organization, Operation Special Delivery (www.operationspecialdelivery.com), that matches doulas with spouses of deployed husbands as a pro bono service. How amazing is that? I was lucky enough to connect with the most amazing company, Kindred Hearts, made up of three doulas in the Omaha area. One of the wives was an AF spouse herself! I highly recommend finding a doula if you know your husband will not be present at the birth of your child. Having a solid plan for the delivery is a huge milestone in the planning process.
I will also add on the planning process, downloading those checklists of baby supplies from babycenter.com is VERY helpful when you are trying to stay focused!
A HELPING HAND
I mentioned already my support group. For me, a huge support factor was my parents having the flexibility to travel out to Nebraska for an extended amount of time. I had already nailed down the plan for MYSELF but I had to figure out how I would coordinate my mom + the household duties while I was in labor, delivery + post-delivery. My mom came out a week before my due date to help with last minute preparation (+ allowed me to nest a little as I had been busy working + caring for two littles on my own). My dad followed soon after. Not everyone has family members with the ability to drop everything + help. I can’t thank my parents enough, literally saints! A huge role they played was helping with Dallas + Leo. They were the main caregivers for my children while I was in the hospital + helped when I came home. Even if you don’t have a full time family member, setting up a plan with a friend or nanny/babysitter (or a WAF ambassador 😉) is critical if you have older children.*
*You might have been up + walking with your previous baby/babies very fast, but every delivery + baby is different + assuming you won’t need help afterward might not be wise; this was my case, as I explain below.
CAPTURING THE MOMENT
So, having a baby is emotional, right!? It’s one of the BEST days of your life. Welcoming your child into this world is a feeling only parents can understand. Combine that with your spouse not being there + missing this life moment is well…triple emotional. For me, I combated that by hiring a birth photographer. I really wanted to capture the moment + help savor those memories for my husband. I didn’t do this with any of my other two, but this birth was so different. I have zero regrets allowing my birth photographer in on that incredibly vulnerable situation + they are to this day some of my favorite pictures.
The second order of business to combat this emotional event is to already know the Wi-Fi situation. It’s a must! My tip is when you do your labor + delivery tour asks the nurses about how their Wi-Fi service functions. Connect to the Wi-Fi when you are there! Do it, or else FaceTime won’t work, which I will go into in a bit. True story, if you are stationed in the Colorado Spring area the Wi-Fi at Army Evan Hospital, where everyone delivers, was not the best. I had to run around the halls to get service; that was my experience four years ago, but if that had happened unexpectedly while trying to connect with my deployed husband I would have been so disappointed☹
MINDSET FOR LABOR + DELIVERY
Stress. That one word can basically sum up most if not all of the emotions of having a baby while your husband is deployed. I am not sure if I was unaware of how much stress I had been under for so many weeks before my due date, but, for me, I just would not go into labor. I was 10 days overdue when I had to be induced. I know so many ladies who have wonderful experiences with induction but for me it was something I was really apprehensive about. I was induced with my first child + ended up having a C- section. With our second child, I had an all-natural birth. So an induction was not my preference. Having a doula who encouraged me + kept my spirits up during this situation is the reason I highly recommended getting one, or any designated person who knows your wishes + supports you during labor!
BABY ATLAS’S BIRTH
The day of my induction, my house was prepared, my parents had Dallas + Leo, my doula was ready + my birth photographer was on call. I was induced at 10am + my husband was on standby all day. We FaceTimed multiple times, texted + sent pictures. It really made it feel like he was there 💙 I was overwhelmed with support when all three doulas in Kindred Hearts took turns keeping me company throughout the day…we played music, did labor dances, tried different doula birthing techniques. I am not trying to make this post about my birth story but long story short, my labor took forever. My body would not respond to any labor progressing techniques (Seriously. Pitocin maxed out without an epidural. Really body?!). I still believe my stressful situation played a large part in it. At 1:30am I was rushed into a C- section because the baby’s heart rate dropped; he was no longer tolerating labor. My eyes started tearing up + all I wanted was my husband. You can only have one person in the operating room with you during a C-section. My birth photographer could not come in but Kara, the doula who was an AF spouse joined me. She grabbed my phone + her own nice camera + was able to completely turn a tough situation around. It was 7:30am in my husband’s time zone when Kara pulled him up on FaceTime—just in time to welcome Atlas Vincent Means into the world! All 7lb 12oz & 21 inches of precious newborn!
POSTPARTUM + MEETING DADDY
My parents were thankfully able to stay postpartum for three weeks. They had already been there for over a month at that point! My in-laws, my work colleagues, friends + my awesome sisters flew out to visit— my village. I was on maternity leave for three months. Then I had to make the return-to-work transition by myself. It was HARD, just as everything in this experience was honestly. This situation was not ideal, it was one of those crazy unexpected scenarios military wives are put in. I truly tried to make the best of it. As I mentioned, the births of your children are some of the most treasured events in your life + while circumstances were different, my husband + I consider this birth just as special. My husband met Atlas the day he turned 4 months old when he stepped off the plane returning from his deployment. 💙
I hope me sharing my story helps empower other mommy WAFs out there + reminds us all of how strong we truly are!
MEET PERRI
