Before I begin, I want you to be sure to check out Kirstin’s post on Surviving Deployment where she shares some great tips on how to make the most of what can be a difficult time!
I will be the first to admit, I am no deployment pro. But after 7 years of WAF life (wait, how??), I feel like I have a good grip on how I handle my husband being gone and really felt like this choice was the best one for my family THIS TIME. That doesn’t mean I will be doing this every time though – I stayed at our duty station for our first deployment and wouldn’t trade those memories I made for anything! Okay, now before I get to the good stuff (the pros and cons list). I want to list out some of the things that we considered when figuring out what I would be doing for this deployment.
BEING REALISTIC ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF FUTURE FAMILY TIME
So as many of you know, I will be moving to Alaska in a few months. I have been taking this time since we found out to prep both of our families that we probably won’t be coming home once a year anymore when we move (under promise, over deliver, amirite??) So with that in mind, and the fact that I wanted Ava to have some good cousin time, I thought we should steal this opportunity. Which leads me to…
BALANCING KIDS
I am at that sweet spot of parenthood where my kid has no obligations to anything other than family. So she won’t be missing activities, won’t feel super weird and out of her element in an entirely new environment, really just the perfect age to do our own little mini-move. I can’t say 100% what my decision would be if we did have activities (it would likely also depend on deployment length) but school, sports, and friends would all play a huge factor in my decision moving forward. I truly feel like we have gained the sweetest memories (read: baby cousin bath time) that are very out of the norm for a military family!
WORK
Oh, the struggles of working as a military spouse. Both Kirstin and I have felt the pain of this instability so hard! In my previous job, this would not have been possible with the few amount of leave days I had but since working from home, this was actually one of the biggest reasons I made the decision to go – to get more help with Ava while I worked! If you want to learn more about getting into working from home, read this post Kirstin wrote here!
AFFORDABILITY
For us, this was actually a huge money-saving trip. We bought our tickets with points, I don’t pay for gas and, to be honest…I don’t buy groceries either. One step that we played around with (a little too last minute though) was renting our house out on Air BnB or to a traveling nurse so that we could have our mortgage covered!
PETS
Due to the length of time, I would be gone, I knew boarding wasn’t an option. My initial plan was to fly my dog on Alaskan (what we will do for our PCS anyway). That would have meant I would have had to fly into Kansas City then do a 3 hr car ride from there. Still would have been worth it but we had squadron friends (angels) who offered to keep him and we went with that!
FAMILY DYNAMICS
I am not saying at all that you have to have the perfect family to do this. What I will say is that I am the only one of my 3 siblings that could live with my parents for 2 months:) I absolutely love my parent’s house, the setup they have for babies, the ability to have my own space, and the rhythm we all fall into when together. I have been with them as their house has been under renovation, moved into a small hotel room with them, all the things, and I am still very thankful that we made this decision!
PROS AND CONS
We asked you guys on Instagram what your concerns would be about doing a trip like this and thought we would answer them for you here!
PROS
- Family time that you don’t normally get/time to “live life” together
- Affordable get-away
- Company for the late nights
- New-found joy after returning to your assignment after being gone for so long/the feeling of “home”
- Help with the weight of solo parenting
- Easier reintegration! Since I have been away from our home as well, we will both be getting back to normal at the same time without having to undo any new norms I created in our home.
CONS
- Are you worried about intensely missing your family when you return home?
I would wait to go back until a few days before your spouse returns so you are too busy “getting ready” for them to think about being alone. I won’t be going home before my husband gets back but he is fine with it since he is flying down to Arkansas to meet me. Then we will fly to WA together!
- What about the guilt of having fun while spouse is deployed?
I get this! It is tough when they have nothing to do and want to facetime and you are like “shoot, I’m grabbing a drink with my friends” but I truly think all of our spouses are happy knowing they don’t have to worry about us being sad, or struggling while they are away. It’s definitely a balancing act but just one less thing for them to stress over!
- Stress of not being able to blend well with family and your kids/coordinating it all?
This is something that you definitely want to think on. If adding you plus your kids would be more stressful on your family, and in turn, on you, then it just may not be worth it. Or you rent an Air BnB out and just go for a few weeks so you get family time and space! The coordination can be overwhelming but if you think it would be a great opportunity, that stress is worth it in my book for all the fun memories you’ll make!
- Family trying to parent your kids/not respecting your boundaries or structure?
This piggybacks a little off of the previous question and my earlier remarks. I am the only sibling that would be comfortable confronting my parents about this issue. I would assume that may be a rare trait since I am 1 of 4 but I would establish boundaries up front so no one gets hurt along the way. I laid out my daily plans to both sides of our families as well as expectations of how I would be splitting time between the two so no one was left to guess.
- Missing out on deployment time with friends?
This was a big one for me. I really loved my first deployment and all the girl time I got. I’ve loved supporting other friends during their spouses deployments as well! I really had to give this one up this time, which I really feel blessed to even be able to say. Instead of girls nights with my WAF friends, I had them with my childhood friends, my sister, mom, and grandmom. It was a trade-off for me, but everything else outweighed this.
I truly hope that reading about my experience gives you great insight to make an educated decision that is best for your family, and one that you feel GOOD about!
