Attending a military funeral can be an emotional (and uncomfortable) experience, especially if you’ve never been to one before. Whether you’re attending as a guest or participating with your veteran spouse, knowing the traditions and etiquette involved can help you feel more prepared.
In this post, we’ll take a closer look at what you can expect at a military funeral, including the elements of the service, dress code tips, and appropriate guest etiquette to know.
What’s Included in a Military Funeral?
A military funeral typically includes a variety of elements that are meant to honor and pay tribute to the person who has passed away.
You might notice the presence of a casket team, typically made up of military personnel who will carry the casket from the hearse to the gravesite. They’ll also usually fold and present the flag to the family of the deceased.
There may also be a rifle salute, which involves a team of military personnel firing three volleys of shots as a final tribute to the deceased. This is often followed by the playing of Taps, a bugle call that is typically performed by a single bugler or on a recording.
Depending on resource availability and the family’s preference, there may be other military honors involved, like a flyover or color guard presentation.
5 Etiquette Tips for Attending a Military Funeral
When showing honor to a late veteran, there is also an “unspoken” etiquette to keep in mind. Check out these basic etiquette tips that can help you feel more at ease during the funeral.
1. Dress Gracefully
Military funerals are a bit more formal occasions than general funerals, so think “neutral, yet graceful.” Men will generally wear a suit or dress pants and a jacket, and women in a dress, skirt and blouse, or dress pants and a blouse. Avoiding bright colors is a given, but you also don’t want to wear anything too casual.
2. Arrive Early
You’ll want to show up a little earlier than the listed time, creating an opportunity to pay respects to the surviving family. Arriving early also shows that you take these types of situations seriously as a military spouse (and would appreciate the same for your family when the time comes).
3. Be Mindful
Military funerals aren’t just a time to honor the veteran who has passed away, but show compassion for their family. It might go without saying, but be mindful of body language (such as crossing your arms) that could come off as nonchalant. Also, avoid talking or using your phone during the service.
4. Follow the Lead of Others
If you’re not sure what to do during the service, just follow the lead of those around you. This includes standing when the flag is presented, or bowing your head during a prayer. Also, don’t be afraid to ask other military wives or your spouse in advance. In the end, it’s all a learning experience.
5. Offer Your Condolences
After the service, it’s appropriate to, once again, offer your condolences to the family of the deceased. Keeping your words simple and heartfelt is the best way to go. Even the smallest gestures, such as slipping a tissue into the hand of a crying family member, can show that you care without saying a word.
Additional Resources
Don’t be afraid to seek help if you need it. No matter your relationship to the deceased veteran, funerals can still stir up sad memories and depressing thoughts for both you and your spouse. The following resources below may be helpful as you navigate the grief journey.
- VA Bereavement Counseling
- Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors (TAPS)
- American Widow Project
- Military Families United
- Military Child Education Coalition (MCEC)
- Military OneSource
Military funerals can feel a bit uneasy your first time around, but they’re also an opportunity to reflect and think of how you’d like to honor your spouse. As you build relationships with other military families over the years, you’ll attend more of these funerals and may feel more connected to the ceremonies.
We hope these tips were helpful. Check out this helpful graphic below summarizing military funerals and the honored traditions.
Meet Ashley
Ashley is a content writer and passionate storyteller, covering topics such as travel, lifestyle, and finances. A Virginia-native, she now lives in Puerto Rico and spends her free time exploring the island’s gastronomy and infamous beaches.
Meet Samantha
Samantha is a San Diego-based editor and writer. Her background in journalism and public relations has led her to cover unique topics ranging from timeshares to pet lifestyle to local news to SMS marketing. When she’s not writing, you can find her walking her dog, baking, or traveling.
